I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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