with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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