in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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