youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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