Where did you get a picture of my penis
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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