are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
