I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
