the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you guys were way drunker than both of me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
