I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
