My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
