she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
