i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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