and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize