Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
