hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
