The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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