I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
