I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
