I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
