I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
