dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
