I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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