The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goatâ€
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
