she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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