4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
