I hate your face
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
