theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
