the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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