Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
