Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
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I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
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An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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