Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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