Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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