There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
