Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
