She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
