9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...