Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed