Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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