You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
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