please come you make the beer taste better
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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