plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
