HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
