It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
