My cat gives me a boner
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
