Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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