So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
