We won't sleep together?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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