I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
sex in a hospital.. check
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
