just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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