I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Best friends brother. Beat that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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