all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
