Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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