Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
