I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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