u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
