Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
