I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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