ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
