I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
