Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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